2005-09-20

balancing the unbalanced

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here, and whether or not it is clear to you, have no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

-- Desiderata --

Oh how life constantly pulls the rug from under us with its twists and turns.

Today I am quieter. I am calmer. It's been a few days since I've had this feeling.

Sleepydust is a learning curve for me. Writing it, running it, managing it... it's all being learned as a go along.

Recent days have highlighted areas in which I have found I need to learn from, from a spiritual perspective.

To not take things to heart, is a very difficult thing to do when you feel ill, when your head is pounding, your body is weak and exhausted.

In addition to this, I have realised I had taken on far more than I should handle, for someone in my state of health.

In taking on new projects, and wanting to continue building sleepydust.net, I have had to look at what I have taken on. I had not realised how much it was all mounting up. Being perhaps too enthusiastic at times, and with an unquenchable positive outlook at how much I can achieve (even with this illness), I sometimes forget about my own limitations.

Ever had that thing when you were at school, doing games, where you would run and all of a sudden you had that overwhelming (and rather disconcerting) feeling that you were running faster than your legs could carry you?

Anyway, it's not got that bad but I was heading that way.

Anyway I've nipped it in the bud. I've restablished balance, and am back on track. Or at least I feel that I am.

Funny thing - people. People who come into the world you build. The world you so carefully cultivate and nurture. Every colour, every word, every decision. And then one person can just come in and with a few words (granted, not well thought out) can cause such heart ache, imbalance, and ill health.

This past week I have been on both sides of that particular 'fence'. I am thankful for both these experiences, and for the people involved in them. Both the positive and negative aspects.

I can only learn from these lessons - they will not be wasted.

7 || 8