2005-07-21

the side effects of conditioning your brain to be frugal with your energy

Earlier today I felt really sick, had a stomach upset, and just felt horrid. It went on for the entire time I was up (about 3 hours) and I felt so ill and exhausted that I ended up having to go back to bed and sleeping for a few hours.

I feel much better now - maybe it was ME/PVFS/CFS symptoms as opposed to a bug I might have?

I often feel sick (nausea ) so that's not so much of a surprise, but the upset stomach is more rare, which is why I thought I had a bug. If it was a bug, I'm hoping it's gone now!

I do still feel a little sick though...

....hmmmmm.

I totally forgot about how good ginger can be when you have nausea. I used to take ginger drops when I saw a homeopath years ago. But when I feel sick I usually now drink camomile and spearmint herbal tea.

Either way I'm disappointed that this short-lived 'good patch' I was having, has now disappeared. Who stole it from me? I want it back - waaaaaaaaaaah!

Do you know, I think I've forgotten what it's like to be normal?

I had a small taster of it during that short 'good patch' (albeit nothing near the levels of normality I used to experience) but it got me thinking...

As long-term ME/CFS sufferers, we have probably actually forgotten what it's really like to be normal and healthy. A feeling that I once took for granted. If only I knew then...

For instance, I was watching a murder documentary on TV earlier this evening. The defence lawyer got up, went to the wall, sat down on the floor and just twisted his body a little bit to make like he was scrambling to get up repetitively (reinacting the victim's last movements). Automatically, I thought 'oh goodness he should slow down, that must really be tiring him out'.

Then I stopped myself and thought, 'but ofcourse it wouldn't tire him out, he's healthy - that's not normal to get tired just by sitting down and trying to get up again'.

I have to stop myself a lot from thinking those things. It's from having conditioned myself.

If you suffer from ME/CFS/PVFS then I'm sure you know what I mean:

When you first get PVFS/CFS, sooner or later you have to learn to pace yourself. You condition your brain to reassess situations, and to be more careful with the little energy you have - more frugal because you'll know it won't go nearly as far as before.

That totally changes your whole outlook on how you live life. In a sense, you can't just 'go for it' anymore.

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