2005-04-15

reflections about the trip, balance, and willpower...

Feeling drained today, so am not staying on the computer for long.

I've recently come back from a visit with my family, which did me the world of good.

The new meds my nutritionist prescribed me certainly have helped me immensely. I have felt so much stronger lately. Amazing! So much so that I even managed to go to town briefly two days after! Unheard of really, considering I am never able to go out usually.

OK, I didn't last for long - I started getting headache, dizziness etc after an hour or so and I had to hold on to my boyfriend's arm the whole time but I went OUT! Hurrah!

But alas, now it's Friday and surely enough, I'm feeling quite crap today :(

So good patch is over. Hmnnn...

Well I'm crossing my fingers that the new meds will lessen the severity of my symptoms a little though. Who knows - only time will tell.

Funny how the increase in severity of my symptoms are always delayed by 3 days after exertion - on the dot.

I obviously overdid it and probably shouldn't have gone to town... but how on earth can I get the willpower to restrain myself when I finally have a little energy when I hardly ever get any of it? Whenever I get an ounce of energy I'm so happy to feel that much more 'alive'... those rare times where I feel well enough to go out are so precious that I feel euphoric almost - like I want to rejoice by going out. Seems a shame to waste that little burst of energy by staying in and keeping it. Will I ever learn?

It's just nice to 'live'. To feel like I'm part of society and not just living on the sidelines, communicating through a computer...

While I was away, I spent a lot of time listening to audio books and started to re-read a wonderful book (one of my favorites) by Gill Edwards, called 'Living Magically'. This all opened my eyes. Or maybe re-opened them I don't know.

But anyway it's safe to say that I now understand more the importance of balance, and that I will always think that I have never have done 'enough'. I've learnt that I must try to enjoy the 'moment' - as each moment comes instead of fretting about the past or future. It's something that will be an ongoing lesson for me I think - I'm struggling with the notion right now, but with more reading and learning, and patience with myself, I hope to get better. And I think that can only help my state of mind, and health.

Today is the first day where I've felt as wiped out as I usually did (before I left for my trip on first April). So I'm going to use what I've learnt and go and rest in a bit.

Right - better go take my meds before I drop lol

7 || 8