2004-11-03

my trip to france

I'm back!!!!

Blimey what a past couple of weeks I've had!

I went to see my family in France.

Yes.

Me. Housebound me, who collapses after even a trip to the local post office.

Accompanied by a relative either way, I managed to get there. I spent 9 days there and, yes, I was only up for 5 or 6 hours a day, but at least I went there and at least I got to see my family - it was lovely.

I haven't been there in 4 years because of this confounded illness and I had decided - enough is enough - I've got to go.

The trip there was more tiring than the trip back because we stupidly took the underground instead of taking a taxi from the train station to the Eurostar terminal.

That probably wiped me out the most.

The underground is full of negative, stressful vibes at the best of times - so for a housebound ME/CFS sufferer, it's like a veritable nightmare.

So many people rushing past, you could feel their high stress levels - the blurriness of it all made me so dizzy that I had to often stop and face the wall until my eyesight regained it's clairity.

That and the ultra weakness I felt when I was there - I think it must be all of that electricity.

When you suffer from M.E./CFS you are extremely susceptible to Electromagnetic Radiation - anything that emits electricity can make you feel even more tired and weak.

It gave me that 'tired-yet-wired' feeling that Lynne Michell writes so realistically about in her book 'Shattered'.

In fact, I was reading 'Shattered' while I was in France and I have to say, it's probably the best book that realistically explains what it's REALLY like to live with CFS/ME. It has become one of my favourite books on CFS/ME alongside Dr Shepherd's book, 'Living with M.E.'.

So anyway, by the time I got out of the underground, I was a right mess. Dizzy, head throbbing, too weak to stand, and perhaps the most noticeable - I was shaking - really shaking.

By the time we were sitting in the Eurostar terminal I felt that I had drank 15 expressos (I hadn't drank any caffeine whatsoever but that's the best I can explain it) - that wired feeling you get when you've drunk 10 times more coffee than you should - coupled with the weak and exhausted state - where you would naturally flop to the floor and sleep for a thousand years, but because of that unnaturally heightened 'fight-or-flight' state, your body is just held in limbo.

Hence why I was shaking and why my heart was beating so hard.

So we vowed that on my return I'd take a taxi instead lol

The other thing that stuck out in my mind was how I couldn't look out of the window on the train.

I usually can't watch TV, and if I do, it's not for long because the bright lights, moving images and noise drains me.

Well it was like that - but worse - the fast moving countryside made it practically impossible for me to stare outside the window even for a couple of seconds - the fast-moving visual stimuli was just too much for me.

Indeed when you suffer from CFS/ME any stimuli like noise, visual stimuli and things like that are often too overwhelming for your brain to process adequately.

Now that I've come back, apart from having my obligatory cold, I feel extremely shattered but I'm counting the days - the delayed onset will surely hit me hard and fast.

But it was all worth it.

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